did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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