I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
