So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
