my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
