I feel like abortions should bother me more
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
