so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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