Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you never un-have a 4some
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
