Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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