i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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