fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
