it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
