exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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