He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
