i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
