john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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