i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
