i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
