This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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