Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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