and she was petting her beer can
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
