Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
