You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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