His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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