Nicole vs. Life
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The feeling are messing with the penis
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
