how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
