Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
