so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
