After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
