I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
