So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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