You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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