Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
