There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
