if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
