the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
