just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
