Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
