Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
