Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
