All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
