a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
