Moan for me like Helen Keller
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
