hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
