Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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