his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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