Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
