morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
