Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
