Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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