If i come over, it means nothing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
