Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
