HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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