Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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